It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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