I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
