I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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