Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize