Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
