The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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