She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
