like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
