Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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