i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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