I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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