And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
