Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
