Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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