I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
