a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
