you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
