she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
