You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize