You smell like stripper and shame
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
