In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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