Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize