@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
