I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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