But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
