either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's the barista slut.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
