Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i believe in u and ur pee
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
