After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just puked most of my soul out..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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