well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
