I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
