Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
