we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize