I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Randomize
