I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have already put on my inside pants.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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