Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
