I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
