I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize