Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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