you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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