my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize