First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
