He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
