i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
