i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
