You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
