I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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