i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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