omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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