i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
