Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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