why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
