I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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