ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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