he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
