easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
