she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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