so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize