Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My feet surprised me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
