There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
