so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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