just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
