did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's blow job season.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
