Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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