3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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