I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
