I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
