well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
