Cold hands, warm shart.
Soap is not a condiment
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
