Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
